Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
