I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
