I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize