Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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