cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
