Yo dont text me then not text me
I can text with my tongue
I hope mine doesn't look like that
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
