My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
