Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
