i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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