Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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