That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
