I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
