Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
