I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
