Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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