my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
