Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
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