Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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