Your mouth is God's brothel.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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