don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
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she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
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Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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