I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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