shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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