hotel room ftw
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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