Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You can't motorboat a personality
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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