I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
