Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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