My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
