first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
