i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
