If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
