seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
