His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize