I CAN MOONWALK!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
