lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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