I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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