I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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