margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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