i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
