I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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