I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
