you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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