Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
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So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I smell like Dick and happiness
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