ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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