I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
