even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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