but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
