wakey wakey hands off snakey
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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