I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
