No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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