you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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