Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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