remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's the barista slut.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
