He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
