I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."