I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.