I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.