the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I spit up blood this morning
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My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
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I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.