Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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