I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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