D3 body, D1 cock
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
ok first of all what the fuck
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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