She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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