So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
