Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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