she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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